Stockboy Blog: December 2008

12.06.2008

Game Over

“The CO in the cafeteria with the billy club?”

“Salim the Muslim “buck-50” to the throat in the yard?”

“Alan the Anal Orangutan in the showers with the toothbrush shank?”

It’s a sad day for Orenthal. If there was ever a better time to run, it would be now and not during Game 5 of the Knicks-Rocket’s Playoff series. Life has officially gotten short for the Juice.

12.05.2008

Jigga man & PYT Beyonce get it in at the basketball Mecca of the world, Madison Square Garden, to see the Cleveland Lebron James’ take on the Knicks. Meanwhile, in an attempt to catch Sir Hov’s eye-in-a-snatch, the two yuck it up while trying to figure out which one of these Knick dancers caught the "Clap" from Marbury. You have to wake up pretty early to get one over on a fellow member of the Tri-Lambs, Mr. Photographer Man.

P.S. Somebody please call Child Protective Services on the Jewish looking man for striking his son for wearing the ugly green pajama shirt, courtside at the Knick game.

12.03.2008

Plax's Next Move

“This is an important time for him to take care of his body and heal up and also deal with the very serious legal consequences and other issues in his life. When I spoke with him [Burress], he expressed great remorse for letting down his teammates,” Giants President John Mara stated. “Coach Coughlin, GM Jerry Reese and I, have all met behind closed doors prior to and post of this meeting with Burress and concluded in a unanimous agreement that Plaxico is a fuckin’ idiot,” is what they’ve been dying to say.

Millionaire Athlete + Friday after Thanksgiving = Self-Inflicted Gunshoot Wound

The level of ridiculosity is beyond bearable thus forcing me to suggest other items Mr. Burress could’ve shot at, even though shooting himself in the leg just seemed convenient.

Movie Theatre Screens
Aquaman
Stephon Marbury
The guy that sold Toyota all those commercial slots promoting their “Saved By Zerooooo” offer
The writer of the “Saved By Zeroooo” jingle
Squirrels
Indians
Terrorists?

Burress will have enough time to finish this list during his bid up North, unless he escapes...

the culprits

mike g:

While all the other kids in grade school carried lunch boxes with their favorite superheroes on the tin cover, Mike secured his lunch in Tupperware. Destined to be gay at an early age, Mike decided to make a radical change in life. He dropped the Tupperware and was brown-bagging it all thru junior high.

In high school, life was harsh and no different. Still getting pocket-checked for quarters, Mike decided to make another shift in life. He joined track and every since '96, he's been running from his problems with a success rate of 100% no-confrontation.

With enough jolting material to eat up many hours worth on a psychiatrist's Italian leather couch, Mike decided to forge all his life's material onto paper and share it with you instead of a high-priced quack named Jason Seaver.

Somewhere in this tragedy called "Mike's life," lurks a bowl of humor for the masses to sink their faces into every morning and night.

With no background in writing, television, film or anything essential for succeeding in this industry, Mike is equipped with life experience and an imagination that walks a thin line of someone with down-sydrome. Mike's motto is: "Where there are tears, laughter is nearby to fuck up the moment."

the alex:

Born in former USSR, in Tajikistan, Alexander was led to believe that he was, "White Powerful Russian Man" because Russia was always considered to be a "Super Power" - The Sputnik, The Olympics, Chess, Ivan Drago. Come to find out that though Tajikistan was once part of former USSR, it is geographically located in Central Asia thus making Alexander Asian. But according to his passport, he is Russian so let's stick with that.

Alexander arrived to America in '95 as a FES (foreign exchange student). He attended high school and some college in West Virginia. After successfully not getting laid within that time period, with his visa and penis in-hand, Alexander fled to NYC to finish his schooling. He fell in love with New York during his first visit - "Love at first sight" as they say. It was during this visit that he decided that he wanted to live in New York, illegally, as an immigrant and start his career here, like some many others before him.

Alexander majored in Communications because he knew in his heart he could "bs" himself out of almost anything (dumb Americans). Not to mention that he was terrible at math which confirmed that he's really not Asian (dumb Russian).

While in college Alex got laid. It was fun. 3 months later, he got laid again... more fun. Between seeing breasts for the first and second time, Alex got a part-time job at the local mall where he met Mike and fell in love with him - "Love at first sight! (again)"

After graduating college, he filled his resume with some TV work but quickly concluded that working sucks ass. Alex was interested in work, but his "own" line of work where he could call the shots; where he could be the boss. And so he chose to be a "Producer," not realizing that this position requires money and some sort of inside connections, which he soon discovered that he had very few connections and even lesser money. A few adjustments later and a detour or two in life, Alex decided to build his own career as a producer on his own spare time.

Alex is a strong believer. He believes that a person can achieve ANYTHING they want, ANYTHING they desire just as long as you keep your eyes on the prize. "After all, I live in New York City, the only place where a naked cowboy in Times Square makes more money than the majority of the population that are fully clothed! Perestroika bitches!"

12.06.2008

Game Over

12.05.2008

"We've Got Bush!"

12.03.2008

Plax's Next Move

the culprits

talk to us

oldie but goodie

12.06.2008

Game Over

12.05.2008

"We've Got Bush!"

12.03.2008

Plax's Next Move

the culprits

talk to us

oldie but goodie

get it ...