Game Over

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“The CO in the cafeteria with the billy club?”

“Salim the Muslim “buck-50” to the throat in the yard?”

“Alan the Anal Orangutan in the showers with the toothbrush shank?”

It’s a sad day for Orenthal. If there was ever a better time to run, it would be now and not during Game 5 of the Knicks-Rocket’s Playoff series. Life has officially gotten short for the Juice.

"We've Got Bush!"

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Jigga man & PYT Beyonce get it in at the basketball Mecca of the world, Madison Square Garden, to see the Cleveland Lebron James’ take on the Knicks. Meanwhile, in an attempt to catch Sir Hov’s eye-in-a-snatch, the two yuck it up while trying to figure out which one of these Knick dancers caught the "Clap" from Marbury. You have to wake up pretty early to get one over on a fellow member of the Tri-Lambs, Mr. Photographer Man.

P.S. Somebody please call Child Protective Services on the Jewish looking man for striking his son for wearing the ugly green pajama shirt, courtside at the Knick game.

Plax's Next Move

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“This is an important time for him to take care of his body and heal up and also deal with the very serious legal consequences and other issues in his life. When I spoke with him [Burress], he expressed great remorse for letting down his teammates,” Giants President John Mara stated. “Coach Coughlin, GM Jerry Reese and I, have all met behind closed doors prior to and post of this meeting with Burress and concluded in a unanimous agreement that Plaxico is a fuckin’ idiot,” is what they’ve been dying to say.

Millionaire Athlete + Friday after Thanksgiving = Self-Inflicted Gunshoot Wound

The level of ridiculosity is beyond bearable thus forcing me to suggest other items Mr. Burress could’ve shot at, even though shooting himself in the leg just seemed convenient.

1. Movie Theatre Screens
2. Aquaman
3. Stephon Marbury
4. The guy that sold Toyota all those commercial slots promoting their “Saved By Zerooooo” offer
5. The writer of the “Saved By Zeroooo” jingle
6. Squirrels
7. Indians
8. Terrorists?

Burress will have enough time to finish this list during his bid up North, unless he escapes...

Obama Gettin' That A-rab Money!!!

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Contrary to popular hill-billy belief, Barack Obama is not an Arab. But according to the latest hip-hop terminology, he’s “gittin” that paper, son! Based on the numbers spent on their campaigns, including Obama’s most recent prime-time space acquisition, McCain is being outspent in every one of the 14 states that the 2 camps are vying for. It’s as if McCain can carry all of his campaign money in his left tube sock or a Velcro wallet. Open up a lemonade stand, Johnny. Work the drive-thru at McDonalds, sell your body to an Biology class, or go on Big Brother and win $500,000. Even if you lose, you’re still on TV.

With the economy in trenches, retail sales at an all-time low and Wall Street’s drastic gains and losses like an undetermined bulimic, Obama drops 3.3 million dollars on TV ads on a Monday. Can we borrow a dollar, Barry?

I Want My 2 Dollars!

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Merrill Lynch whores itself to Bank of America for $50 billion. Lehman Bros. scrambles to look for a buyer like a bad ebay auction and AIG writes a big fat “I OWE U” to the Federal Reserve for about $430 billion pesos. Oh, and the Dow plunged 504 points.

In local news, Craig still owes me $2 bucks!

Obama is WRONG!!!

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Days after Obama’s controversial lipstick comment, people of America - Republican, Democratic, Independent and Mexican - have had time to take a step back and dissect the jab aimed at Sarah Palin with more logic than emotion. And the general consensus says, “Obama is wrong!”

“… you know you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig…”

Wrong Mr. Obama!

You put lipstick on a pig, that pig becomes gay. If not gay, than crazy... Buffalo Bill crazy! I think you owe us an apology sir!

Swiss Beats, Son!

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Not to be confused by the American producer/rapper, but Switzerland’s own Roger Federer continues to prove that he is the world's greatest tennis player as he crushed the 21-year old Scottish hopeful, Andy Murray, in straight sets at the US Open Finals in Flushing, New York.

After dismantling the newly ranked #1 Nadal the night before, Murray would seem to be the favorite going into today’s championship match with a win over Federer earlier this year in Dubai. But Federer would prevail against the doubts and like a father to a stepson, he proceeded to beat the shit out of him in convincing form, claiming the US Open title for the 5th time straight.

In addition to his record book accomplishments, Federer is in fact, getting that Oprah money, banking 1.5 million dollars plus a Lexus IS-F for his feats achieved. All of which is his to stack since he has no coach to pay or any pesky 4 second samples to clear. Next stop – Australian Open - #14!

Republicans Go Hollywood

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Announced yesterday, Sarah Palin has given the green light to play the Republican Vice Presidential Nomination this year.

Sure to be this Fall’s most talked about role in Prime-Time since the return of Christian Slater to Hollywood, expect to see Daddy Yankee make a splash guest appearance adding “gasolina” to the fire!

Me Llamo Chad?

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Undergoing change is a big thing in anyone’s life. It’s hard to swallow. What’s even more difficult is coming to grips with the transformation and living with it. 72 hours later after Chad Johnson’s name-redecoration to Chad "Ocho Cinco,” we can’t help but ask, “Why not this name…”

1. Chad Jonsyn – It’s hip, it’s fresh. It’s even spelled in a new rapper-like way!

2. The Chad – Adding “The” in front of any Proper Noun crowns it legendary. For example: THE Godfather, THE Thong Song, Nobody Beats "THE Wiz!" All timeless classics.

3. Rod Tidwell – Arguably THE best WR in Football history to bear #85 on his espalda. Jerry Maguire & Reebok will back that statement any day.

and last by not least...

4. Gay – (Please see image above)

Wii Got Jungle Fever

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For the past couple of years now, Paul and Lindsay Pape have been designing chocolate Mii replicas for $19.95 a piece. Though successfully uniting nerds with chocolate, I have yet to see a “seasoned” chocolate Mii.

Isn’t it a bit weird that the idea to market a product inspired by Asian technology does not accommodate to the typical Asian man or woman? I understand that Asian is the new Black, but a 4-year old would still color us in yellow.

At least they are accommodating to interracial relationships.

See for yourself at http://paulpapedesigns.com/Mii_Chocolate.html

SUPPLIES!!!!

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As the International Olympic Committee (OIC) continues its investigation over the underage discrepancy of the Women’s Chinese Gymnastic Team, the “as-for-now” gold-winning gymnists are treated to their surprise 14th birthday for the third time again on January 1st.

He Kexin, Yang Yilin and Jiang Yuyan enjoy a double celebration of vanilla flavored Mao cake and the gold while Li Shanshan takes her mid-day nap.

Joey Biden Will Punch You In the Face

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Joe Biden accepting the Democratic VP candidacy creates the strongest colored tandem to date since Stockton & Malone, Wilder & Pryor, and Jackson & McCartney… let’s just hope they don’t break up over a silly record collection and a girl. We saw how you kissed Jill Biden... Barry – you smooth son-of-a-bitch, you!

But what does Joe Biden bring to the table? Is it his experience in foreign policy issues? What about the fact that he comes from a family of Blue-Collar workers like you and me? Or how about his pure gulliness of not being afraid to bloody the next man’s nose, Daniel LaRusso style?

It's none of the above. So what is so special about this Joe Biden fellow?

His teeth.

Joe Biden’s teeth is like having Robert Horry on your team when you’re down by 2 with 3 seconds left on the clock in Game 7. Joe Biden’s smile can cure Global Warming. Rainbows begin in Joe Biden's mouth. If Joe Biden rang my doorbell and smiled, I’d buy 10 vacuum cleaners from him.

Bottom line - Joe Biden’s teeth can win over any Republican or redneck country bumpkin. This and this alone, is why Biden & Obama make a dynamic duo.

OHHHH-lympics

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With the Olympic craze crowding everyone’s TiVo, let’s take a moment to really recognize the Contests of Champions. Not the obvious Champions such as the Ninja-like Chinese gymnastic squad, but an actual Contest that doesn't get enough burn on NBC, CNBC or the beloved Telemundo Channel.

Trampoline
At first thought, synchronized circle-jerking would seem to be more of an acceptable sport, but after Youtubing a few Trampoline events, it does seem to require strength, agility and John Woo-like directing with the assistance of a big ass trampoline.

But seriously, does anyone brag about training for this alleged sport? Is this even water cooler-talk worthy? “Hey, did you hear Mike is the best Trampoliner in the world?” It’s more impressive beating your boss in a chin-up contest. The last memorable trampoline performance was by Tom Hanks in “Big” leaping to great heights to “Forget Me Nots,” and Alice from the Brady Bunch, when Bobby fell out of Greg’s kick-ass tree house. Who judges this competition anyway? Not to completely shine the spotlight on Trampolining, but Equestrian is a bit questionable. How does riding a trained horse gain human accolades?

Well, congratulations to Team China for claiming gold in Trampoline (no surprise). And a splendid job to Karen Cockburn of Canada, for finishing strong with the Silver medal. No USA placement here. It's all about the Canadian Cockburn!




Massive Shouts go out to Chelsea Hammond repping Jamaica in the Long Jump… “NO LINGA, MO' FIYA, BULLET!" and some more abrassive Jamaican chants.

Let the Blogs Begin

Tweet Popping the blog-cherry, we wanted to start on the right foot and take blogging to another level here at Stockboy Entertainment.

We’ve studied our weaknesses and tested our strengths and to no surprise our lackings easily trumped or bragging rights. We are not "in-the-know" in Hollywood, or contain insider stock trading tips. Most importantly we cannot predict the future like those ingenius Magic 8-Balls.

With that said, we intend to enlist a team of superpowers to boast our popularity from "Virgin Nerd" to "Zack Morris" status. Without further ado, may I introduce to you our first draft pick to be a potential sponsor for Stockboy Entertainment...

Mr. Carlos Ray Norris aka Ground Chuck aka Mister Kick You in the Face for a Quarter... Chuck Mutherphuckin' Norris.



We are the Barry Warry that Chuck Norris will lead to glory.

Welcome to StockBoy Entertainment Blog!

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About 10 years ago, neither of us could imagine the life we live today. Our jobs, our lifestyle, friends, family -- all unpredictable. About how much would you give to see the future just to prepare? If you said ''Nothing'' then you're obviously doing better than us. If you said ''Everything'' then you know that no matter what you lost in the past, you would've made it all back by today with what you saw.

Neither of us knew we'd want to tackle TV Land. None of us knew how broke and unhappy we'd be even with a job. What we do know is that even though how much we disliked change, it was heavily needed.

Like all good partnerships Alex & I met while working at a loser retail job at the mall. This environment would serve as a background for a later project that we wished we started 5 years ago. However, no matter how useless and pitiful a position can be, it's always good material. Even the most shittiest situations can be converted to a critically acclaimed hit with the right writing. Just look at OZ or The Karate Kid. Fucked up situations turned Classic.

With that said introduces ''Employee Discount.'' An idea birthed from the abyss of a dead-end job of retail, that if history is stubbornly correct as it usually is, should serve as a perfect backdrop for a show.

Alex is the producer, I'm the writer. So without further ado, let's get this shit crackin'.