Stockboy Blog: Oh Bull-Shevik!

8.19.2009

Oh Bull-Shevik!

If I could be an animal, what animal would I be? How about a bull? Better yet. How about a raging bull with flaming horns and a vendetta against Spaniards? Yep! That's what I'd be. Every Sunday, I'd charge through a small village in Cretas, Spain wearing a Wilson Phillips T-shirt from their 1990's Hold On Tour with a sword strapped to my nostrils, bellowing in autotune while showing off my wildly buffed glutes. When it rains, I'd multiply faster than Chinese sperm to ensure my longevity. That's what I would be if I were an animal!

2 comments:

larry king said...: interesting choice young man...how would you like to come on my show; August 20, 2009 at 9:24 AM
Barney Frank said...: would love to! Are pants optional?; August 20, 2009 at 9:40 AM

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the culprits

mike g:

While all the other kids in grade school carried lunch boxes with their favorite superheroes on the tin cover, Mike secured his lunch in Tupperware. Destined to be gay at an early age, Mike decided to make a radical change in life. He dropped the Tupperware and was brown-bagging it all thru junior high.

In high school, life was harsh and no different. Still getting pocket-checked for quarters, Mike decided to make another shift in life. He joined track and every since '96, he's been running from his problems with a success rate of 100% no-confrontation.

With enough jolting material to eat up many hours worth on a psychiatrist's Italian leather couch, Mike decided to forge all his life's material onto paper and share it with you instead of a high-priced quack named Jason Seaver.

Somewhere in this tragedy called "Mike's life," lurks a bowl of humor for the masses to sink their faces into every morning and night.

With no background in writing, television, film or anything essential for succeeding in this industry, Mike is equipped with life experience and an imagination that walks a thin line of someone with down-sydrome. Mike's motto is: "Where there are tears, laughter is nearby to fuck up the moment."

the alex:

Born in former USSR, in Tajikistan, Alexander was led to believe that he was, "White Powerful Russian Man" because Russia was always considered to be a "Super Power" - The Sputnik, The Olympics, Chess, Ivan Drago. Come to find out that though Tajikistan was once part of former USSR, it is geographically located in Central Asia thus making Alexander Asian. But according to his passport, he is Russian so let's stick with that.

Alexander arrived to America in '95 as a FES (foreign exchange student). He attended high school and some college in West Virginia. After successfully not getting laid within that time period, with his visa and penis in-hand, Alexander fled to NYC to finish his schooling. He fell in love with New York during his first visit - "Love at first sight" as they say. It was during this visit that he decided that he wanted to live in New York, illegally, as an immigrant and start his career here, like some many others before him.

Alexander majored in Communications because he knew in his heart he could "bs" himself out of almost anything (dumb Americans). Not to mention that he was terrible at math which confirmed that he's really not Asian (dumb Russian).

While in college Alex got laid. It was fun. 3 months later, he got laid again... more fun. Between seeing breasts for the first and second time, Alex got a part-time job at the local mall where he met Mike and fell in love with him - "Love at first sight! (again)"

After graduating college, he filled his resume with some TV work but quickly concluded that working sucks ass. Alex was interested in work, but his "own" line of work where he could call the shots; where he could be the boss. And so he chose to be a "Producer," not realizing that this position requires money and some sort of inside connections, which he soon discovered that he had very few connections and even lesser money. A few adjustments later and a detour or two in life, Alex decided to build his own career as a producer on his own spare time.

Alex is a strong believer. He believes that a person can achieve ANYTHING they want, ANYTHING they desire just as long as you keep your eyes on the prize. "After all, I live in New York City, the only place where a naked cowboy in Times Square makes more money than the majority of the population that are fully clothed! Perestroika bitches!"

8.19.2009

Oh Bull-Shevik!

2 comments:

the culprits

talk to us

oldie but goodie

8.19.2009

Oh Bull-Shevik!

2 comments:

the culprits

talk to us

oldie but goodie

get it ...