Reflecting on Usain Bolt’s superhuman-like performance during the World Games in Berlin, I’ve found myself wondering what he would be when he retires from Track & Field. The only logical and most successful position my mind could muster is a Rickshaw Runner. Never has there been a perfect marriage of Chinese and Jamaican culture since Bruce Leeroy in the Last Dragon. I would pay plenty of Washingtons for this ride! This fusion is its own perfect analogy.
8.24.2009
Don't Quit Your Day or Night Job!
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Reflecting on Usain Bolt’s superhuman-like performance during the World Games in Berlin, I’ve found myself wondering what he would be when he retires from Track & Field. The only logical and most successful position my mind could muster is a Rickshaw Runner. Never has there been a perfect marriage of Chinese and Jamaican culture since Bruce Leeroy in the Last Dragon. I would pay plenty of Washingtons for this ride! This fusion is its own perfect analogy.
Reflecting on Usain Bolt’s superhuman-like performance during the World Games in Berlin, I’ve found myself wondering what he would be when he retires from Track & Field. The only logical and most successful position my mind could muster is a Rickshaw Runner. Never has there been a perfect marriage of Chinese and Jamaican culture since Bruce Leeroy in the Last Dragon. I would pay plenty of Washingtons for this ride! This fusion is its own perfect analogy.
8.20.2009
Booty Traps! That's What I Said... Booty Traps!
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Who would’ve thought Data from the Goonies would be into house construction? I thought Pinches of Pal would sell way more than Sum Dum Goy’s fortune cookies. Oh well! There’s always a job in dipping tiles while wearing life jackets.
Who would’ve thought Data from the Goonies would be into house construction? I thought Pinches of Pal would sell way more than Sum Dum Goy’s fortune cookies. Oh well! There’s always a job in dipping tiles while wearing life jackets.
8.19.2009
Oh Bull-Shevik!
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If I could be an animal, what animal would I be? How about a bull? Better yet. How about a raging bull with flaming horns and a vendetta against Spaniards? Yep! That's what I'd be. Every Sunday, I'd charge through a small village in Cretas, Spain wearing a Wilson Phillips T-shirt from their 1990's Hold On Tour with a sword strapped to my nostrils, bellowing in autotune while showing off my wildly buffed glutes. When it rains, I'd multiply faster than Chinese sperm to ensure my longevity. That's what I would be if I were an animal!
If I could be an animal, what animal would I be? How about a bull? Better yet. How about a raging bull with flaming horns and a vendetta against Spaniards? Yep! That's what I'd be. Every Sunday, I'd charge through a small village in Cretas, Spain wearing a Wilson Phillips T-shirt from their 1990's Hold On Tour with a sword strapped to my nostrils, bellowing in autotune while showing off my wildly buffed glutes. When it rains, I'd multiply faster than Chinese sperm to ensure my longevity. That's what I would be if I were an animal!
8.12.2009
Congo Meets Hillary Clinton
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Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reminded everyone at a Congo summit that she is not, in fact, Fmr. President Bill Clinton. Outraged that one would ask her what she thinks her husband has planned on an international financial matter, triggered the inner Jan Brady.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reminded everyone at a Congo summit that she is not, in fact, Fmr. President Bill Clinton. Outraged that one would ask her what she thinks her husband has planned on an international financial matter, triggered the inner Jan Brady.Wait. You want me to tell you what my husband thinks?
Not many would make such an assinine assumption considering Bill is a modern day Fonzi and Hillary is kind of like the Cunningham of the crew, but she made sure that Dikembe Mutomobo and the rest of Congo never makes that mistake again! Keep this up Hillary and you'll never be prom queen.
8.11.2009
Syrian Jew + Canadian = Paula Abdul
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It's official. Paula Abdul will no longer be with American Idol. The all-international judging panel loses it's Syrian-Canadian Jew to its possible rival - Dancing With The Stars. Within all this mix, the more important question is, where is MC Scat Cat?
It's official. Paula Abdul will no longer be with American Idol. The all-international judging panel loses it's Syrian-Canadian Jew to its possible rival - Dancing With The Stars. Within all this mix, the more important question is, where is MC Scat Cat?8.10.2009
Would You Like to Hire a Jew Today?
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Ben Stein, most noted for his monotone voice particularly when hollering, “Bueller… Bueller… Bueller…” was fired from his Sunday New York Times Business Column due to his poor decision to endorse a credit report company - FreeScore.com. Apparently, this is far more devastating to his name than playing Rabbi Goldberg on Family Guy. It’s okay Ben, between your ironman eyebrows and push for Voodoo Economics, you’ll bounce right back. L'chaim!
Ben Stein, most noted for his monotone voice particularly when hollering, “Bueller… Bueller… Bueller…” was fired from his Sunday New York Times Business Column due to his poor decision to endorse a credit report company - FreeScore.com. Apparently, this is far more devastating to his name than playing Rabbi Goldberg on Family Guy. It’s okay Ben, between your ironman eyebrows and push for Voodoo Economics, you’ll bounce right back. L'chaim!7.08.2009
3-D Musical In IMAX
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Before Moonwalker, there was Captain EO. Like a stranger in Moscow with the KGB stalking you, Michael Jackson takes you on a daunting adventure into 1986 with a whimsical Indian Elephant and a 3rd world robot in Captain EO. Writers & Director George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola challenge you to use 19% of your brain to understand the genius of this wizardry captured on film. How does it feel? Like watching Jesus in 3-D!
Before Moonwalker, there was Captain EO. Like a stranger in Moscow with the KGB stalking you, Michael Jackson takes you on a daunting adventure into 1986 with a whimsical Indian Elephant and a 3rd world robot in Captain EO. Writers & Director George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola challenge you to use 19% of your brain to understand the genius of this wizardry captured on film. How does it feel? Like watching Jesus in 3-D!
7.05.2009
No Job, No Problem
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International recession is in full effect. Asia is likely to have 7.2 million more jobless Charlies in 2009 than last year with the region’s jobless rate estimated to rise up to more than 5.1%. In anticipation of job cuts, The Phillipines will begin arresting the newly unemployed, specifically to recruit them for their Michael Jackson tribute dance-a-thon. Each severance package comes with a pair of thong sandals and a back scratcher.
International recession is in full effect. Asia is likely to have 7.2 million more jobless Charlies in 2009 than last year with the region’s jobless rate estimated to rise up to more than 5.1%. In anticipation of job cuts, The Phillipines will begin arresting the newly unemployed, specifically to recruit them for their Michael Jackson tribute dance-a-thon. Each severance package comes with a pair of thong sandals and a back scratcher.
6.29.2009
Your jesus Is a Liar
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If Jesus wanted me to become a CO, I would seriously seek a second opinion from Yahweh. I am afraid of phone checks; I fear confrontation on chow duty. A shank to the abdominals will confirm my insecurities which does not need any type of confirming, thank you very much.
If Jesus wanted me to become a CO, I would seriously seek a second opinion from Yahweh. I am afraid of phone checks; I fear confrontation on chow duty. A shank to the abdominals will confirm my insecurities which does not need any type of confirming, thank you very much.
6.26.2009
The Good Ol Days
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There's never been a more sought-after delicious fusion of harmony since the Klondike Bar than the one-time dynamic duo of Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney. Unfortunately, it gets pretty sticky when your cohooter outbids you and Yoko Ono for the rights of your own music. Please don't take it personal Paul -- you were just the white man, in the wrong place.
There's never been a more sought-after delicious fusion of harmony since the Klondike Bar than the one-time dynamic duo of Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney. Unfortunately, it gets pretty sticky when your cohooter outbids you and Yoko Ono for the rights of your own music. Please don't take it personal Paul -- you were just the white man, in the wrong place.Now, let your eardrums copulate in a river of glorious rhythmic flow --http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gWvBXS2t4A
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